A Cop in the Desert - Confession, Confusion & a Challenge

A Cop in the Desert 

How can it be like this?  I always heard that some departments were like this, but I never really believed it.  How am I going to get through this? 

Hopefully, you’re at a department where you’ve never had to ask these questions.  You read articles about “those” cops and “that” department, but somehow you can’t believe it.  Some of you may have had small glimpses of tragedy, but it’s not quite like living out the movie Training Day every time you suit up.  Even I experienced some tragic events during my time at the “little” department.  I experienced instances of great heartache, from the suicide of a peer and close friend, to a horrific natural disaster that took the homes of several of my first responder brothers.  Some pretty rough experiences for an officer earlier in his career.  Experiences that could have easily drove me off track and into the realm of “those” cops.  So how did I deal with these events?  What makes me different from “those” cops?  Two things:

                -Faith.

                -Amazing support from my department.

That’s it?  That’s how I survived what could have been the deal breaker in my young career?  But it’s actually more than that.  There have been many of “those” cops that were men of tremendous faith.  Some of “those” cops were looked upon with envy by their peers for their faith.  So what went wrong with them?  How did they stray so far off course with such strong faith?  I feel that it’s that second point, the lack of amazing support from their department, that allowed them to become one of “those” cops. 

In my instance, “amazing support from my department”, meant amazing support all the way from the Chief of Police, to my fellow officers and even civilian personnel.  Our entire command staff made a commitment to make sure that everyone came through these events intact.  We knew that they were committed to us long before these events even took place.  And I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is going into a traumatic event with the knowledge that your boss is there for you.  Not just your co-workers, or your sergeant, or your lieutenant, or your captain.   The top-dog himself is willing to sit and talk and yell and laugh and cry right along with you.  I can’t tell you how amazing that is.  If you’re at a department like that, sit back, take a deep breath, and realize that you are in a minority among first responders. 

So what does this mean to you?  At the “little” department, we were in the minority.  As you’ve read, I had courageous bosses and co-workers that cared about each other.  It was the Norman Rockwell picture of a police department, the quintessential family department.  And, unfortunately, I don’t work there anymore.

I will not get into the events that caused my relocation.  That is a story for another day.  But, here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

I picked up and moved from the “little” department in the heart of America, to……the “big” department…..in the middle of the desert.  Sigh…..

So here I am, at my second department, which is over three times as large as the department I came from.  This was going to be different, I knew, but I was not prepared for what I would experience.  In only a few days, I was surrounded by cops who were one bad day away from becoming “those” cops.  The department had all of the tell-tale signs of sickness.  Out of control turnover rate, sex scandals, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and on and on and on.  All of those studies about alcoholism and divorce and suicide were coming to life before my eyes every shift.

“Somebody needs to do something about this”, I found myself repeating that phrase over and over again in my mind.  That though was immediately followed by this thought, “I’m the NEW GUY! I am not the one to do something, but somebody needs to!”  How many others at this department have had those same thoughts?  “Maybe everyone is having those thoughts, and if someone would just say something, it would make it all better.” 

I was so confused. 

Not only did I never believe that a department like this existed, I REALLY never believed that I would work at one.  I remembered back to my days at the “little” department.  How was it so easy for me to express myself there?  I kept coming back to the same thought.

“It’s easy to express your feelings in an environment of like-minded individuals where advocacy and concern for everyone’s wellbeing reign supreme.”

I never had to convince anyone at my last department.  For the most part, everyone felt the same way I did.  It was easy to express my feelings because it was an environment of like-minded individuals.  That meant that this move was going to be a hard one. Harder than I ever imagined…

I’ve been told that if you are strong in faith, then you will become a beacon to others.  That is a true statement, I have found.  But, what I wasn’t told, is that your beacon attracts more than just those looking for what you have.  It also attracts those who are threatened by what you have, and want to destroy it so that you become as sick and dysfunctional as they are.  Every day here is a fight to stay positive and to stay on course.  And……I’ll have to get back to you on the outcome (I’ve only been here two months…sheesh!)

How would you respond in a situation like this?  How do you truly create change in this environment? 

Luckily, most of you will never have to find out.  Most of you will stay in your comfortable circles and agree with each other about how much faith you have.  But, if you truly want to effect change in this first responder community, take this challenge to heart:

Get out of your comfort zone.  Get out of your circle of like-minded individuals and spread God’s love with those that desperately need it.  Make a trip to your local fire department, ambulance barn, or police station, and have a cup of coffee (You’ll probably even get that cup of coffee for free!  Although there’s still some old-fashioned cop v. fireman rivalries in some areas of the country, so beware!).  Share your stories, share your experiences, and share your faith with anyone willing to listen.

For those of you that take up this challenge, you’re going to experience some resistance.  Some of you may experience total acceptance.  Either way, you never know how much your support may mean to “those” guys that are at a crossroads in their faith, and lives. 

You may be the person that makes it okay to talk about faith at that department. 

You may be the person that others draw strength from. 

Luke 18 - First Responder Edition

By: Clarke T. Cayton

Luke 18:9-14 (New International Version)

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Luke 18:9-14 (The Message)

He (Jesus) told his next story to some who were complacently pleased with themselves over their moral performance and looked down their noses at the common people: "Two men went up to the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax man. The Pharisee posed and prayed like this: 'Oh, God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, crooks, adulterers, or, heaven forbid, like this tax man. I fast twice a week and tithe on all my income.'

"Meanwhile the tax man, slumped in the shadows, his face in his hands, not daring to look up, said, 'God, give mercy. Forgive me, a sinner.'"

Jesus commented, "This tax man, not the other, went home made right with God. If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face, but if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself."

Luke 18:9-14 (First Responder Edition)

One day, Jesus was talking with some local First Responders and noticed that a few of them kept talking trash about a particular neighborhood in town, commenting how sleezy the people there were.  He inturrupted their smug chuckling and said: "Suppose two men went to Church on Sunday, one - a First Responder like you, and the other a dirt-bag who lives in this neighborhood.  The First Responder sits up front with his nice family during the service and prays to God, 'Father, thank you that I am not like that mope at the back of the room. I recognize him, last I saw he was strung out.  And that whore daughter of his, no wonder she turned out like she did.  I thank you that that's not my neighborhood, filled with scum-bags and druggies! I am so proud that I have a good family and live in a clean neighborhood; and to thank you, here is my tithe.'

"But the guy from the sleezy neighborhood just sat in the corner, with his head down.  No one talked to him or greeted him.  He just sat there and quietly uttered a short prayer, 'God, I am such a failure.  My wife has left me.  My daughter's pregnant.  I am at my wits end.  Can you ever forgive me for this mess I've made?'"

Jesus finished, "Let's be clear.  It was the dirt-bag who went home - back to his slezzy neighborhood - righteous in God's eyes...  Sometimes you see yourselves as First Responders being better than parts of the community you serve.  You talk down to them.  You belittle them.  Sometimes you even treat them like they are sub-human.  Be careful with your attitudes and actions!  For it is not unlike my Father to humble the proud."  

Letters from LZ - “For I know…”

My dear friends,

None of us is born with a commitment to Christ.  We first have to encounter Him, than we have to choose to follow.  In choosing to follow we become a story of redemption, of hope, and of wonder.   Our very lives a living breathing testimony to our LORD’s grace and love.  Yet, because pain remains in our lives we sometimes question God’s goodness.   We ask why and how.  Why Lord did You smite my God fearing mom with the dreadful pain of cancer?  Why Lord do You allow depression and sorrow to cut my wife when she devotes herself to You?  How do these troubles encourage me to follow and inspire me to be faithful? 

We all know that God doesn’t appoint us to be sick or to have trouble, but when things go wrong we sometimes blame and /or question His motives.  So, in our weakness we reclaim that part of our life we believe God is failing us at and return to being the main character in the story of our selfish little life.  However, in doing this we cheat ourselves, for in our LORD’s eyes we are more than a character in a story, we are the story. 

Consider this – “…For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jr 29:11).”  The Almighty God, the author of our lives, has a plan!  I pray the LORD’s declaration would keep you from being deceived into questioning His goodness.  That you would have peace and confidence as you travel the path of righteousness.   And that you wouldn’t worry about the LORD’s plan for you, because that plan is God’s will for the story of your life; a story with “hope and a future” – Christ and Heaven. 

Be encouraged; be faithful and live to glorify the Lord.  Your brother in Christ,

LZ.

Letters from LZ - A Cops Morning

It was a crisp Fall morning when he woke.  The anger he had from the night before still filled him.  His teenager was turning out to be unreliable, untruthful, and untrustworthy.  He learned over the years to suppress emotion however, so he contained himself and quietly prepared for his tour of duty without waking anyone.   When he left out the door his home was peaceful, but his heart remained angry.  He knew when he returned his teenager would have found a new way to rebel and the peace which filled the house would be gone.  

The morning weather was typical for a Northwest Fall; dreary with the promise of rain.  This didn’t help his mood, but the cool morning air felt good and for unknown reasons woke him to God’s presence.  He began to pray.  He prayed prayers for his wife, his other children, and his teenager.   He then started on a prayer for his safe return home, but it was interrupted by an unexplained hope which filled his heart.  With this hope his thoughts changed and his prayers turned to prayers of thanksgiving.  He thanked the Lord for the morning air, the trees, and the clouds above.  He thanked the Lord for the wife he was blessed to be loved by, for the children he was blessed to love, and for the hope that his teenager would one day have a heart of obedience.  He also thanked the Lord for the Lord’s goodness and might, and he thanked the Lord for his life.  By the time he arrived at work he was filled with joy.   

Work started at a slow pace. By late morning not much had occurred, but that was soon to change.  Armed men entered a bank and robbed it.  The call came in and he responded.  While en route he considered what he might encounter and before he knew it he was face to face with the gunmen.  It was intense if for no other reason than the gunmen were set on killing a cop.  He prayed for help.  The gunmen deployed an explosive device.  He prayed for courage.  The gunmen let loose a barrage of gunfire.  He felt God and with confidence returned fire.  He would not be deterred by the will of evil men. When the shooting was over the robbers were no more. 

In the days that followed he tried to make sense of why he lived.  His morning anger was washed away with a hope he didn’t deserve.  An explosive device went off, but only sputtered and his life was sparred.  The rounds that were fired struck things around him, but he was untouched.  He thought maybe it was faith that held off death, but he knew faith didn’t prevent death from coming whether by tragedy or in peace.  He thought maybe his prayers granted him passage to another day, but he knew prayer didn’t guarantee tomorrow.  Then it came to him.  Grace – it was by this he stood.  Grace that beautiful “gift of God (Eph 2:8)”; that beautiful gift which our eyes are opened to through faith in Christ and prayers to the Lord.  Grace – not deserving, yet received.   

Friends, the day will come when you wake to a Fall’s morning and your life’s forecast will be dreary with the promise of rain.   Circumstance will bring you to anger, or troubles, or chaos, or even to death.   Faith and prayer may not change your circumstance, but it will open your eyes to the depths of God’s grace.  So, I pray you would not be deterred by whatever that circumstance might be; for the Lords grace is sufficient to see you through. 

Your brother in Christ,

LZ.  

Reaching the "10-4 Window"

By: Clarke T. Cayton

A number of years ago, I was a World Missions student in Bible College, where I heard much about the “10-40 Window”.  (A specific region in the eastern hemisphere of the world, between the 10 and 40 degree latitudes north of the equator.)  This region is especially significant because it marks a section of the world’s population that is most “unreached” with the gospel.  This region also experiences the greatest levels of poverty and disparity on earth.  It was widely emphasized that if you really wanted to do significant “missionary” work, you would go to this area, because it is where the greatest need is.

All the while going to Bible College and learning about the “10-40 Window”, I was working for a Metro EMS Service.  I guess I assumed that since I was employed in the Southern “Bible Belt”, everyone I worked with was a Christian.  While I think if it really came down to it and I cornered all my peers and asked them, “Do you believe in God?” nearly all would have said “Yes”; I am quite convinced that believing in God and being a disciple of Jesus, can mean two totally different things.  In fact, of the dozens of peers that I worked with, I am finding it hard recall anyone specifically that I could say, “Now that person was a follower of Jesus!” 

I remember how everyone used to act so awkward around me, always apologizing when they said a cuss word or told a dirty joke.  At the beginning of our shift many would verbally promise to be on their best behavior, as if I would be greatly offended if they weren’t.  Funny behavior for a group of people who all claimed to believe in God.  I began to realize that this peer group of mine, who seemed so familiar with “the God at Church”, were actually very foreign to the ways of Jesus.  I found myself in a culture of lost and broken souls making up the “10-4 Window”.

In my final year at the agency, there were 4 female EMT’s who became pregnant by their male partners.  I remember there would be wagers made on who would be the next to get “knocked up”.  Affairs and divorces seemed to be common practice.  In fact, two of my preceptors had an affair together not long after I was clear of my probationary period.  I was devastated.  I couldn’t believe it!  He had a wife and kids at home, and she was married to a fellow paramedic.  All the while, both of them were very encouraging to me and looked out for me in those early months.  To the point that the female medic took it upon herself to go around and tell all the other females co-workers that I was not to be flirted with, come-on to, or touched, because she didn’t want me sucked into the culture and corrupted.

I was obviously very young back then.  Naïve, green, sheltered; whatever you want to call it.  But I learned very quickly, this culture I am a part of is tearing apart the lives of so many people around me!  I began to question, “Could this really be an un-reached people group?” 

One of the fascinating aspects of Emergency Services is that it is a closed-community.  Everyone who works in it; be it Cops, Fire Fighters, Medics, or Dispatchers will typically only have close friendships with those inside the culture.  Being only able to socialize with those who can “relate”.  No wonder it is so hard for many to really “connect” at a church service!  Nobody at church seems to really get them.  So here we have a sub-community, cut-off and isolated from the “normal world”, wrestling with all the trauma and tragedy of life and being left only with the dysfunctional social comforts of each other. 

Something has got to change in our culture, but this change will only come from within.

If we are to reach the un-reached of the “10-4 Window”, I can only assume it will only be done by those within the “10-4 Window”.  We all are missionaries to our own lost culture.  Our witness; the light of Jesus radiating through us, will likely be the only authentic and meaningful encounter our brothers and sisters will have with the loving God, who above all seeks to heal their broken lives.

We have to take our position seriously, with intentionality!  Every encounter or shift we have with a peer is an opportunity to be a true friend, coming alongside them where ever they are at, with whatever they are going through.  Your Pastor can’t do it.  Your church can’t do it.  You have to do it!  We are the ones sent to make disciples right where we are at!  And, we can do this, because we are one of them.  And, if we can “get them”, they will “get us” and if they can “get us”, they will “get Jesus”.  This is how we change the culture from the inside out.

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