A Cop in the Desert - Confession, Confusion & a Challenge

A Cop in the Desert 

How can it be like this?  I always heard that some departments were like this, but I never really believed it.  How am I going to get through this? 

Hopefully, you’re at a department where you’ve never had to ask these questions.  You read articles about “those” cops and “that” department, but somehow you can’t believe it.  Some of you may have had small glimpses of tragedy, but it’s not quite like living out the movie Training Day every time you suit up.  Even I experienced some tragic events during my time at the “little” department.  I experienced instances of great heartache, from the suicide of a peer and close friend, to a horrific natural disaster that took the homes of several of my first responder brothers.  Some pretty rough experiences for an officer earlier in his career.  Experiences that could have easily drove me off track and into the realm of “those” cops.  So how did I deal with these events?  What makes me different from “those” cops?  Two things:

                -Faith.

                -Amazing support from my department.

That’s it?  That’s how I survived what could have been the deal breaker in my young career?  But it’s actually more than that.  There have been many of “those” cops that were men of tremendous faith.  Some of “those” cops were looked upon with envy by their peers for their faith.  So what went wrong with them?  How did they stray so far off course with such strong faith?  I feel that it’s that second point, the lack of amazing support from their department, that allowed them to become one of “those” cops. 

In my instance, “amazing support from my department”, meant amazing support all the way from the Chief of Police, to my fellow officers and even civilian personnel.  Our entire command staff made a commitment to make sure that everyone came through these events intact.  We knew that they were committed to us long before these events even took place.  And I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is going into a traumatic event with the knowledge that your boss is there for you.  Not just your co-workers, or your sergeant, or your lieutenant, or your captain.   The top-dog himself is willing to sit and talk and yell and laugh and cry right along with you.  I can’t tell you how amazing that is.  If you’re at a department like that, sit back, take a deep breath, and realize that you are in a minority among first responders. 

So what does this mean to you?  At the “little” department, we were in the minority.  As you’ve read, I had courageous bosses and co-workers that cared about each other.  It was the Norman Rockwell picture of a police department, the quintessential family department.  And, unfortunately, I don’t work there anymore.

I will not get into the events that caused my relocation.  That is a story for another day.  But, here’s the Reader’s Digest version:

I picked up and moved from the “little” department in the heart of America, to……the “big” department…..in the middle of the desert.  Sigh…..

So here I am, at my second department, which is over three times as large as the department I came from.  This was going to be different, I knew, but I was not prepared for what I would experience.  In only a few days, I was surrounded by cops who were one bad day away from becoming “those” cops.  The department had all of the tell-tale signs of sickness.  Out of control turnover rate, sex scandals, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and on and on and on.  All of those studies about alcoholism and divorce and suicide were coming to life before my eyes every shift.

“Somebody needs to do something about this”, I found myself repeating that phrase over and over again in my mind.  That though was immediately followed by this thought, “I’m the NEW GUY! I am not the one to do something, but somebody needs to!”  How many others at this department have had those same thoughts?  “Maybe everyone is having those thoughts, and if someone would just say something, it would make it all better.” 

I was so confused. 

Not only did I never believe that a department like this existed, I REALLY never believed that I would work at one.  I remembered back to my days at the “little” department.  How was it so easy for me to express myself there?  I kept coming back to the same thought.

“It’s easy to express your feelings in an environment of like-minded individuals where advocacy and concern for everyone’s wellbeing reign supreme.”

I never had to convince anyone at my last department.  For the most part, everyone felt the same way I did.  It was easy to express my feelings because it was an environment of like-minded individuals.  That meant that this move was going to be a hard one. Harder than I ever imagined…

I’ve been told that if you are strong in faith, then you will become a beacon to others.  That is a true statement, I have found.  But, what I wasn’t told, is that your beacon attracts more than just those looking for what you have.  It also attracts those who are threatened by what you have, and want to destroy it so that you become as sick and dysfunctional as they are.  Every day here is a fight to stay positive and to stay on course.  And……I’ll have to get back to you on the outcome (I’ve only been here two months…sheesh!)

How would you respond in a situation like this?  How do you truly create change in this environment? 

Luckily, most of you will never have to find out.  Most of you will stay in your comfortable circles and agree with each other about how much faith you have.  But, if you truly want to effect change in this first responder community, take this challenge to heart:

Get out of your comfort zone.  Get out of your circle of like-minded individuals and spread God’s love with those that desperately need it.  Make a trip to your local fire department, ambulance barn, or police station, and have a cup of coffee (You’ll probably even get that cup of coffee for free!  Although there’s still some old-fashioned cop v. fireman rivalries in some areas of the country, so beware!).  Share your stories, share your experiences, and share your faith with anyone willing to listen.

For those of you that take up this challenge, you’re going to experience some resistance.  Some of you may experience total acceptance.  Either way, you never know how much your support may mean to “those” guys that are at a crossroads in their faith, and lives. 

You may be the person that makes it okay to talk about faith at that department. 

You may be the person that others draw strength from. 

Comments

[-Eli]

Great points. Good departments are hard to come by and we should never take them for granted. Look forward to hearing more. Can you tell the full story of why you moved and tell more about the specific things you witnessed by "those officers?"